Adam Koch

Ok, I’m going to try to black out all of the sensitive material.

Last night Christi took Alyssa to dance so it was just me and Joel at home. He cried the whole time. The. Whole. Time. Nothing was wrong. Nothing I could tell at least. I tried giving him food, milk, changing him, etc. Nothing worked so I just let him cry.

I’m not sleeping at night and am paying for it every day. I can’t seem to keep my mask on. I wore it last night and felt great when I woke up, but I don’t know if that was because I slept or because I was proud I left it on all night. I used to drink energy drinks, but they’re too expensive, so now I just pop caffeine pills. I really don’t want to, but otherwise I will fall asleep driving or sitting at my desk.

The lack of sleep has made everything a little washy. I just don’t feel right. ██ █ █████ ████ ██ ██ ████-███████████ ███ ███████ ██ ███. ████ ██ ████ ███, ███ █████ ███ ████ ██ ████████████; ████, ██ █████ ███ ███ ██ ████. I █████ I ████ █████ █████ ███ ███ ███ ███ ████. My ███ ███ ██ ████ a █████ so █ █████ ███ a █████ ██████ ███ a ████ ██████, but ███ ████ █████ ████.

My computer crapped out on me. First my fairly new 500 GB hard drive. I think it’s a year and a half old. Then my main drive got corrupted and I went to reinstall Windows. It deleted everything in the windows directory and then prompted me for a key. ████. I can’t find the key. I’ve looked and looked. So I haven’t had my own computer for 2 weeks now. Well, I think it’s 2 weeks. I’ve been using Christi’s which is fine, but she doesn’t have █████████ or Homesite installed on her computer.

So I decided that I wanted a new computer. Well, my neighbor is supposed to give me his old one, but that was months ago, so I’m not counting on it. I challenged myself. If I could go for a month without eating sweets, then I’ll buy the computer I want. It’s around $1000. Nothing crazy.

And why am I cutting out sweets you ask? Because I feel like my body has become a dump. I’ve been eating crap lately and I think it’s contributing to my sleep problems and everything being “washy”. I’m borderline diabetic too. So, I’m cutting sweets for a month and hopefully my sweet tooth will disappear. At least that’s what I’ve been told is what happens. Oh, speaking of teeth, I had a cavity. The tooth-cleaner-person (what do you call them? dental hygienists?) said it was probably because I sip pop all day long. I think it’s because I’ll often eat after I brush my teeth at night and the sugar just eats away at my teeth. So that’s another reason to get rid of sweets. And it will also help me lose weight, which is a goal of mine, but I’m not very motivated.

This no-sweets-for-a-computer goal gives me the motivation I need. I can’t think of a better motivator right now.

Speaking of motivating, Christi is getting frustrated with the “Boones Babes” group on SparkPeople. At one point they were her motivators, but now no one else seems to be participating. And Christi was actually mad last night at them. And I don’t want to lay next to and watch TV with someone who’s made. I even joined SparkPeople and the Boones Babes to try to encourage her. But even I have dropped out. I’m not a “babe” anyway. Plus, I think I do better weight-wise if I don’t think about it everyday. And then the no-sweets challenge will help me, so I see no point in continuing with SparkPeople. If only I could motivate Christi some other way. I wish I could, but it’s hard motivating people when you can’t motivate yourself to get out of bed.

I really dropped the ball this year with Christi’s birthday and Mother’s Day. I didn’t get the number of presents I would’ve liked to. And I don’t have any excuse except I’m one lazy ██████████. Can I blame my brain tumor? (Brain tumor? you ask. Well, it could be the cause of my central sleep apnea which causes my tiredness which causes me to slack off.)

███’s probably going to jail. I think his court date was this week. Or maybe next week. I don’t know. He invited me out to eat one day and I “forgot”. Well, I remembered in the morning, but got busy later and did forget. But I think a part of me didn’t want to go out in public with him. And now, a few weeks later, I don’t want to see him. Unless he is going to jail and he’s giving me his huge flat-screen TV.

Sarah has a motorcycle. I’m somewhat jealous, but also am like, “Don’t drive the thing until your classes are done!” I think she’s already harmed it somehow.

Christy, who is really sweet , recently said on her blog “My life would suck without you dear friend!” speaking not about me, but about Christi. And I don’t care that it wasn’t me. I still got/get warm fuzzies.

I wonder if Asten is still seeing Val. Erie. Valerie. When I say “Val” I think of Val Kilmer.

Just a couple of days until the newest member of the Dwight family comes! Exciting!

I have to shoot film on Sunday. And Eric didn’t get a department store. Am I surprised he didn’t? Nope. ███ ████ ██████ ████ █ his backup plan is to have “Kenny” (me) go back to my previous place of employment and shoot up the place. Before, when it took place at a department store, it was random. But now it’s █ █████ film. Well, not really. █ ████ █████ ████ ██. And Eric’s character dies not while doing something good (buying a dress) but doing something bad (going to lunch with co-workers when his wife didn’t want him to). Well, that’s what I got when Christi told me. So, Eric. Chad. I might not want my name on this film.

My dad is applying for a job in Omaha! Yea! His current job is █████████, I guess. Mine’s not. Ben goes to Brazil for his job next month, if he gets his visa.

I think my allergies are back. I thought I had a cold, but Christi said my eyes were really red. More than usual. So, yea, she’s probably right. Make me feel like crap.

Christi ordered some trees for the back yard and I signed up with the Arbor Day something-or-another Foundation-or-something. She got 5 trees and I got 10. We’ve planted the 5 a couple of weeks ago. Now, where am I going to plant ten trees?? They’re only the size of my forearm, so I’m really not too concerned.

I haven’t mentioned Alyssa yet. I guess the first thing I think of is how she’s still in diapers. ████ ██████ ██████ ███ █████ █████ ████ ██████ ██ █ █ ██████ ███████ ███. ██████ ████ ███ ███████ ████ ██████. So then I think, ██ ██ █████ █ In any case, as soon as the current case of diapers is gone, Alyssa will no longer be wearing them, because we’re not buying any more. Sophie, who’s 3 months younger, is already out of her diapers ███ █████████.

I was standing in the corner of my yard the other day talking to my neighbors while Christi was mowing the yard. (She wanted to!) But I started talking about ██████████ ██████ I am and when I came inside I beat myself up for it because I sounded like a ███████ idiot. I’m still beating myself up about it. I sounded like a ███████ idiot. And that folks, is why I’m not more outgoing.

I was supposed to be the coach during soccer on Tuesday night. ‘Course Emma’s dad took over. I’m just not very good at … stuff. Christi had extra snacks in the back of her car and I’m thankful that she put ‘em there!

Just how personal should this entry be? ██ ████████████ asked me yesterday if I had any secrets. Yup. I do. But I wasn’t going to tell h██. Should I tell this blog? (Essentially) you? ██ ████ █████ █████ ███ ████ ██. ███ █ ███ ████ █████ ███ █████? ████ ████ ████ ████/█████ ██ ████ █████ ███ ███ ███████ ███ ██ ████ ████ █████ ██ ███ █ █████ ████ ███. That’s right. █████ ███ ███ ███ ████, █ ███████ ██████. █████ █████ ██ █████ ██████, █████ ██ ██████ ███████ ██ ████ ███ █████ ████ █ █████ ███ ██ ████ ███ █ █████, ███ ███ ██████ ████ ████ ██ █████ █████ ██████████. ████ ███ █████ ███… ███ ████ ███. █████ ████████ ███ ████. I am not going to talk about personal Christi stuff.

Dogs? Well, Joey is █████ ████. Lexi is … a butt. Christi wants another dog. I so do not want another one right now.

█████. That’s probably 90% of what I worry about. But I do little to fix it. █ ████ ███████ ██████-██, ██ ███ ██’██ ██████ ███ ████ █ █████ ██ ███ █████ ████. ██, ██ █ ██ ███ ████ ████████ █’█ █████ ██ ████ ██ “██████” █████ ████ ██ ███. █ ██████ ████ ███ ████ ██ ████ ██ ████. (█████) ██ █████’█ ██████ ███ ████████ █████ ███, ████ █ ████ ██. ███ ████’█ █████ ██ ██ ██ ██████ ███ ███ ██████ ████ ████ ████ ██ ████████ ████ █ ███████ ██. █ █████ ███████ █ █████ ██ ████████ █ ███████ ██ █ ██████ ████ ██████ ██ ███ ██ ███. ████ ██ ███, ████ ██, ███ █████. ███.

So, let’s see, I’m ███, ████, █████████, ███████-███████ and ████. That’s a sucky life. And I have a kid ████ ███ ██ ████ ██ ███. All the freaking time. It’s almost like ███ ████ ████ ███ █ █████████ ████. █ █████████ █████ █ ██████ ██████ ███ ██ ███ ██████. ███ ████ ██████ ██████. ████. Yea, I wouldn’t kill someone else.

Oh, my parents didn’t get me a birthday present! Well, 1) they bought me Hullabaloo, a kids game and 2) they ordered something and it hasn’t arrived yet. But it still sucks.

Did I mention I had a cavity? Add that to the list.

Alyssa, Alyssa, Alyssa. I want to write more about her, but I don’t know what. She’s my reason for living. I don’t like admitting that Christi isn’t worth living for, because I really love her too , but I tried to ████ ██████ a month (or 2?) after we got married. So she doesn’t stop me from trying. (Well, physically she did. And would.) █████’s sister’s boyfriend’s coworker killed himself leaving a wife and child. I couldn’t leave Alyssa I don’t think. Maybe when Joel grows up a little more and if he stops being a cry-baby he’ll be a reason too, but right now he’s not.

My stomach’s growling. I didn’t get my usual afternoon candy bar. Good for me. Whoopie.

I once heard that women really get sexually active in their 30′s. I really hope Christi some day likes sex as much as I do. Because for now I’m left to ███████ ███. ███ ██ ██████? ██ ████. ████, █ ██████ ████ ████ █████ ██ ████! ████ ████ ██ █████. ████ ██ ████ █████. ████ ███████ █ ███████ █████ ██ ████.

I’m a ███, ███ man.

I’m fat, sick, sad, depressed, ████████-████████, poor, losing my memory, incapable of having a conversation. If I got more sleep , would that fix all of this?

Update: now with pretty smilies!